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Pricey Annie: I like studying your recommendation, and boy, do I ever want some now! About 20 years in the past, my mother-in-law grew to become hooked on medication, each prescription and unlawful, as a method to cope with unresolved childhood trauma. Consequently, her marriage to my father-in-law fell aside, and, whereas not legally divorced, they have not spoken to one another in over a decade.
Throughout this time, she has bounced round from one residence to a different. It is usually the properties of different relations or mutual mates who all have reported the identical factor as soon as they kick her out: She steals and is at all times drunk or excessive.
Her personal mom begged us to take her in after we had been newlyweds 17 years in the past as a result of she was stealing all of her prescription medicine. Though we have mentioned this along with her a number of instances, she blames all of her issues on her husband or her childhood and takes no duty for her scenario.
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She has visited us a couple of instances a yr throughout our marriage, and we have been very clear with drawing boundaries about her habits when she is round our youngsters. They love her, and till just lately, we have at all times had very good, temporary visits (besides when she stole painkillers from me after I gave start).
Her final go to, nonetheless, was the go to from hell. We ended up looking her room for medication, and she or he ruined my daughter’s baptism — and utterly humiliated me in entrance of my mates from church — along with her drunken, drug-induced antics.
She has as soon as once more been requested to depart somebody’s home and is now staying “for a month or so” along with her sister, who we care deeply about and isn’t in good well being. I worry the stress of getting my mother-in-law residing along with her will additional trigger her sister’s well being to say no.
We wish to assist her sister by discovering my mother-in-law some other place to reside, however my husband and I are adamant that her residing with us could be detrimental to our youngsters’ bodily, psychological and emotional well-being, to not point out tense on our marriage. My husband’s solely sibling, who has no youngsters, lives outdoors the nation, and his spouse refuses to let her reside with them. I perceive her refusal and don’t blame her for it.
So the query is, what do you do with an aged drug addict who has completely no cash (she blows each dime on medication) of her personal? Dwelling with us could be detrimental, however I am unable to reside along with her being homeless on my conscience both.
Thanks for any recommendation you may give. — Daughter-In-law on Drug Obligation
Pricey Daughter-in-law on Drug Obligation: Your mother-in-law could be very, very sick and desires assist. However neither you nor anybody in your loved ones is a educated skilled who can assist her. So relieve your self of the burden of being on obligation, and search out assist recommendation from skilled therapy facilities. The place she must reside isn’t on the streets however in a rehabilitation middle till she cleans up and will get assist. I might additionally encourage you and your husband to attend Al-Anon conferences so to higher perceive the character of her illness.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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